


Memories

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Bill doesn't remember anything, Depressed Dipper Pines, Fluff, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Support
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-29 18:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11446107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Seven years after the story of Gravity Falls, Dipper Pines, who is now 19 years old, struggles with depression and self-harm, and deciding that he can't take it anymore, leaves Gravity Falls for good. And in the hotel room next to the depressed teen's room stays a dramatic poet by the name of Bill Cipher, who is unable to remember anything from before he was 15 years old.





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> You're welcome children

**Trigger warning: Mentions of self-harm, PTSD, gay relationships, and feels**

  
  


**Note: This is a new fic, and I don’t know just how it’ll turn out. It’s rated M for reasons you will find out soon.**

**[At this note, a small and more devious version of myself sitting on my shoulder whispers to the audience, “ssssmmmuuuuuut!”]**

  
  


It had been too much to take. There was no one in his family who would listen to him or understand him anymore. Not even Mabel. He couldn’t take it anymore. He ran away from the Mystery Shack, because not even in the place he had spent his childhood really mattered to him anymore. And there was no going back for him at this point, and he accepted how his choice would affect him.

 

Dipper stood at the bus stop under the faint orange street light, waiting for the bus to take him away to any place but Gravity Falls. It was at this point that Dipper’s life changed more than it ever would have, as he boarded the Speedy Beaver. He was 19 now and he had had a source of income up until the day he left, so he would be able to get an apartment wherever it was that he would end up.  _ Pff, like I care where I go,  _ Dipper thought to himself. He rolled down his sweatshirt sleeve and sighed, staring at the many lined cuts spread across his arm: the physical sign of someone as depressed and mentally scarred as he was.

Ever since Weirdmageddon. Ever since the terrible and shocking event where he faced the triangular nightmare that was Bill Cipher, he had been like this. The pain was the only thing that didn’t give him flashbacks of the near end of the world. Anything he saw and heard only made him disoriented and afraid again. The pain of the cuts on his wrist were new. They were warmer to him than the blood that trailed down his pale skin with every cut he made. Self-harm had become one of his main character traits. He was a traumatized teenager who had hate lining his wrists. It was almost a hobby of his. It was invigorating, it was liberating.

And as soon as the bus ride had began, it ended. The teen covered his arm back up and exited the Speedy Beaver, with a mumbled thanks to the driver. He only had his tattered backpack with him, but he couldn’t think about or hardly look at it. It was his backpack mix-up that had ultimately been the cause of Weirdmageddon. And now he was all the way out in Idaho trying to find a hotel he could stay in to get settled, though he probably should have gone farther than this. Throwing his backpack on the floor of Room 120 and flopping down onto the hotel bed, he sighed and began yet again to feel the endless sadness that consumed him on a daily basis. Laying on his side, Dipper silently cried himself to a restless sleep of nightmares.

  
  


In the room next to him, a man in a black shirt and yellow jacket with blonde hair sat at a small desk, writing poetry and trying to recall the memories he didn’t have. This man didn’t know why, but he knew he was something more before now. He was sure he was something so much greater than humanity, and yet he remembered nothing from his living as that being. Now he was an emotional poet with a picture-perfect face. He had been told by the people around him that he had piercing blue eyes and chiseled, perfect cheekbones. 

He didn’t have any family, or any memories from before he was 15 years old. He never had a need to learn, as any fact he needed was readily available to him for reasons he either didn’t know or was simply unaware of. The man finished his work and signed it:

_ Bill Cipher. _

He sighed, “And the writing I have dedicated myself to has become one step closer to it’s final destination, which I am unsure of and simultaneously fear and look forward to.” His euphoria was interrupted by a fearful screaming from the neighboring room. Bill burst out from his room and ran to the room next to him and pounded on the door, and the screaming stopped with a confused groaning. A short teen in a black sweatshirt stood on the other side of the door. Bill inquired, “Hey, kid, are you okay? Can I come in there and talk to you?”

Doubtfully, Dipper nodded and allowed the stranger into his hotel room. “What’s the problem, sir? I hope I haven’t troubled you with my being here.”

Bill sat at the desk in his room, “Definitely not, I was just a bit worried about you because I heard screaming in here. Is everything okay for you? Feel free to talk to me about anything, because I really want to help anyone I can.”

Dipper looked down at his feet as he sat on the corner of his bed. He blushed out of embarrassment and admitted, “Well, you see, I have nightmares pretty frequently, but I didn’t know I screamed in my sleep… A lot of things happened to me as a child that have made me really unstable..” At this thought, tears began to fall from Dipper’s eyes as he rocked himself back and forth.

“It’s okay,  just try to be calm,” Bill said, putting his hand lightly on Dipper’s head, “Those things aren’t happening anymore. What’s your name?”

“D- Mason. My name’s Mason.”

“Okay, good, you’re getting back in touch. Where are you from, Mason?”

“I’m from California.”

“Alright, California then? Can you tell me if you have any family back in California?”

“Ack, I would rather not talk about that. Please.”

“Okay, that’s okay. Everything is okay. Whatever happened is over, look at me.”

Dipper looked up at the stranger, “O- okay.” His breathing began to calm, and almost like a miracle, he felt better without having to harm himself. “How did you do that?”

Bill, smiling at Dipper and not breaking eye contact, explained, “I know a lot about the human mind. It’s essential to calm someone who is panicking, because they’ll often turn to methods such as self-harm to feel better.”

“O- Oh, okay then. Um, by the way, what’s your name?” Dipper asked the man who had helped him so greatly.

Grinning, Bill answered, “I’m none other than local poet Bill Cipher!”

 

_ Bill… _

_ CIPHER?! _

 

Dipper screamed louder than he had in his nightmare and scrambled to the opposite corner from Bill. “This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening! HOW ARE YOU BACK? DID STAN SEND YOU TO SCARE ME? WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME, WHO DID YOU POSSESS??”

“M- Mason, what’s going on, are you okay? It’s just me!” Bill walked tentatively toward the fearful teen with his hands out to indicate peacefulness.

“DON’T YOU DARE LIE, DEMON! I KNOW JUST WHO YOU ARE! DON’T TOUCH ME! ARE YOU TRYING TO START WEIRDMAGEDDON AGAIN??”

Bill was at a loss for words. “I- I’m not a demon… I’m just a human being, what gives you the idea that I’m a demon? I just want to help you.” Being the emotional individual he was, he began to feel tears begging to escape him.

“Don’t you know who you are? No one else would have that name, don’t try and give me that shit! Do you seriously not know anything?” Dipper shouted and shook, terrible emotions and flashbacks flooding his mind.

Bill, shaking his head, attempted to calm the boy, “No, I actually don’t remember anything from before I was fifteen years old. I tell you, I’m not who you seem to think I am, please calm down!”

And yet Dipper denied him any benefit of the doubt, and continued to have a breakdown.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper panics and flees the hotel, but realizes something about Bill.

Dipper took hold of the lamp atop the nightstand and hurled it with all his might (which was not much) at Bill, took hold of his backpack from the floor, and sprinted out of the hotel room and into the elevator at the end of the hall, fretting, “Close, close God damnit!! I’m going to lose my life.. This isn’t happening!” The elevator doors opened, and as soon as they did, Dipper stumbled out and ran to the exit, busting through the front door, still fleeing from the area. The further he could get, the better.

The panicked teen ran down the empty streets, his every footstep echoing as though the world he was in was a hollow tube as his shoes crunched against the loose gravel of the dimly lit road. The sides of the streets were all lit on both sides with orange streetlights, and gave off an eerie feeling that only added to the ambiance of lurking danger. Dipper came to the entrance of a forested area and threw himself over the fence which was littered with signs and warnings, continuing to run until he located a small clearing in the many aspen trees. 

The sound of his heavy, ragged breathing was reflected off of the bark of the trees that surrounded him, amplifying the noise and making the silent, murky air more still as the quietness of summer pervaded Dipper’s thoughts. There was not much to be heard but the noise of crickets chirping around him. Dipper looked up to the night sky which was filled with clusters of stars and nothing more, slowly drifting back to sleep. He had much to have nightmares about.

Yet… These nightmares were not necessarily nightmares. Floating off to a land of visions, his mind began to point out to him how attractive the man had been… His deep blue eyes and his lovable emotional personality, his innocent nature. How could this man be the demon Bill Cipher? Was he something other than that? Now that Dipper thought about it, there was no way a man so kind and attractive could be the same person as the triangular monstrosity, and he hadn’t even referred to Dipper as ‘pinetree’ once. And so was decided what his accustomed-to nightmares would take the form of that night.

_ “Mason,” the man said softly to him in a flirtatious tone, “Did you sleep well? You should wake up, it isn’t healthy to sleep in for too long.” Dipper sat up and stretched, ambling slowly but surely to the hotel bathroom and taking a sleepy glance at himself before beginning to wash up for the morning, and as he was brushing his teeth Bill wrapped him in an embrace from behind and whispered into his ear, “Good morning, sleepyhead,” kissing the younger teen on the cheek as he did so. Dipper’s cheeks were flooded with red and his newfound friend cheerily danced over to the small kitchen to prepare cereal for him. Though the poet was talented in his words, he never had much talent in cooking… _

“Aah, what the--?” Dipper awoke with a jolt, a blush still spreading across his face from the rather strange dream he had experienced in the night before. It was now morning, and the soft sunlight shone through the emerald green leaves and warmed up Dipper as he awoke, dazed, from his surprisingly restful sleep.

An almost familiar voice called out through the trees to him, “Mason, are you out here? I’m so very sorry about last night, I don’t know why my name shocked you so much!” The kindhearted man then noticed Dipper standing awkwardly in a clearing, sun glinting off of the dew in his soft brown hair, with a sheepish grin and a red face. He ran to Dipper and gently grabbed his arm, “Are you okay? I’ve been searching for you since last night, I really mean you no harm, and I’ll do anything to prove it to you!”

Flustered, Dipper remembered what he had concluded about Bill later in the night before he fell asleep. “O- Oh, um… Thank you for being so kind to me yesterday, I just,” Dipper sighed, “There was a lot that happened to me when I was younger, and it had to do with someone who was named Bill Cipher… I’m sure you won’t believe me, but Bill was a demon who tried to end the world in the town that I used to stay in every summer, Gravity Falls.” Just the name of the town tugged at memories Dipper always kept tucked in the back of his mind.

“I believe you, Mason. But I swear on my life that I am not that demon. I only mean you well and I want to stick with you as a friend and help you with those troublesome memories.” Bill smiled at Dipper, his hand drifting down the younger’s arm and stopping to hold both of his hands.

“Thank you so much, Bill, I’m really sorry about last night, I just panicked… I hope you can forgive me. I hope we can be friends. And also, my nickname is Dipper, so you can call me that if you want.”

“Dipper, huh? Sounds like a good nickname for you. Of course I’ve forgiven you, why wouldn’t I have? I know that it’s easy to get panicky but just know I’m here to help you always. Anyways, we should get you back to the hotel.” Bill beckoned to Dipper, but stopped suddenly, “Wait, no, you can stay at my house until you settle in to wherever it is you’re going. I’m just out here travelling, I’m from Montana.”

Dipper was, to say the least, surprised by this news. “That- That sounds great! I don’t really have any place in particular I’m aimed for anyways…” Dipper chuckled awkwardly, glad that he would be yet farther from Oregon.

“Good to know, then, Dipper! That being said, let’s get you out of this forest and get driving, hm?” Bill, still holding Dipper by one hand, lead the teen out of the forested area and out to where his small car was parked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will eventually be smut. Juuust you wait. *evil chuckling*


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper moves in with Bill.

Dipper, uncertain and, to some extent, rather abashed, settled into the comfortable passenger seat of Bill’s car. Bill turned to face Dipper and assured him, “This won’t be a very long ride, and if you need anything, please do tell me, okay?” Smiling, Dipper nodded at the kind man who had shown him such hospitality and forgiveness. Maybe he wasn’t Bill. He definitely didn’t seem like he was, having been as kind and… Not insane as he was.

Dipper smiled at Bill for a while without saying anything to him, and he couldn’t help but notice how handsome the man driving was. A blush beginning to appear on his pale cheeks, he acknowledged every feature of the perfect and mysterious man’s face. His piercing and deep blue eyes like the clear summer skies, his tanned, flawless skin, his soft and well-kempt hair as gold as the sun, and the short stubble that lightly sprinkled a free-spirited appearance onto the face of the otherwise very clean, normal-looking man. He made a remark out of the blue, “You seem to be a well-paid person, what do you do for work, if you don’t mind my asking?”

Chuckling, Bill answered, “I am but a simple independent poet. I sell my works to different companies who seem to think I am an excellent writer. I don’t get paid much, but it isn’t hard to get money. I do also often participate in writing contests which often brings in quite a lot of rewards for me. Might I ask what your occupation is?”

Dipper averted his gaze for a short amount of time, and with some brief hesitation, replied, “I’m unemployed right now, but I plan to look for a job at a convenience store or something.”

“Huh,” Bill noted, “I think you’ll be able to find a job sooner or later, just remember not to rush yourself. You can stay with me for as long as you need to.” Dipper nodded and gave Bill his thanks, and stared out of the window of Bill’s clean vehicle. Many trees and fields passed by, and as time passed, the bright sun sunk below the horizon.

Bill pulled into the driveway of an average-sized yet relatively nice house, and gently shook Dipper by the shoulder as he had fallen asleep on the trip. The tired brunette awoke, mumbling incoherently, and strolled toward the white door of Bill’s house, standing with his head to the sky, gazing at the many stars. Bill unlocked the door and politely beckoned Dipper to enter his home. In awe, Dipper couldn’t help but stare at everything in the grand and tidy house as Bill guided him to the guest bedroom. “Thank you so much, Bill, I am much indebted to you,” Dipper tiredly acknowledged Bill.

Bill grinned at the tired teen, “It’s nothing really. Please make yourself at home, I’m going to order a pizza for dinner if that’s alright.” At Dipper’s confirmation, he closed the door and sauntered down the hall, leaving Dipper to settle in and reflect on recent events.

“This… Is a great day for me,” Dipper announced to the empty space around him. He sat on the edge of the white bed, and looked around at the small yet comfortable room he was in. He rolled down his sleeve and looked at the scars that lined his arm, “I don’t need to hurt myself. This is a new life for me with a person I know I can trust.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Sorry this chapter was so short! Next chapter will be filled with fluff and happy feels though, so look forward to that! I swear, the smut will happen eventually, don't doubt me.


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper accepts his attraction to Bill, and breaks a bit of important news to him.

Dipper woke up in the guest room of a newfound friend, refreshed and filled with joy that he had come to somewhere he was away from his old life which had been, in a word, terrible. 

The yellow sun shone through the plain white, translucent curtains that fluttered in the morning breeze. The clean window was opened a crack and Dipper could hear the quiet and soothing bird’s song that resonated throughout the warm and humid summer air. The neighborhood Bill lived in was neat and quiet, and the houses that lined the aged, dark road were spaced somewhat far from one another. The sky was a deep blue that immersed his thoughts and memories one by one in a sense of happiness and nostalgia that Dipper couldn’t quite put a name to. Cheerful cumulus clouds adorned the deep sky and serenely drifted across the beautiful blue stretch of color.

This feeling in the pit of Dipper’s stomach… One could not begin to describe the sense of belonging and tranquility, but if one tried, the nearest they could get would be… Love. At this conclusion, Dipper sighed and walked to the white door of the bedroom and came down the soft carpeted stairs to the kitchen. Bill was sitting and smiling at the younger teen, enjoying a morning cup of coffee, “Good morning, Dipper! I hope you slept well. How do you like your ‘cup o’ Joe?’”

Dipper smiled back, albeit sleepily, “I slept pretty well last night, thanks for asking. What about you? Oh, and I prefer coffee simply black.”

“I slept alright,” Bill sighed, “but I couldn’t quite rest as I’ve got quite a bit of writing to catch up on.” He stood from his wooden seat and busied himself with morning procedures: brewing coffee and preparing cereal. He joked, “I hope you’re fine with cereal for your whole stay here, because cooking is not among any of my skills.”

Dipper chuckled, “It seems we are one in the same.” He couldn’t help but watch Bill as he trotted about the kitchen with joy, humming a happy tune as he did so. Every graceful move the mysterious man made left Dipper enthralled and deepened his growing attraction for him. 

Dipper was ashamed to admit to himself that he had fallen for someone he had met only yesterday. Yet he couldn’t have too much blame cast upon him; Bill was an extremely attractive man, and Dipper was gay. He remembered coming out to Mabel and to his family, and being shunned, labeled a ‘freak’ in a family of all straight people. The sting of rejection still left him wincing every time he thought back to whom he had left behind. He couldn’t help himself though. He was attracted to men, one of which being Bill Cipher, and he figured it was time to accept that. Love at first sight isn’t a thing, but love isn’t set only to take forever to happen.

“Hey, um, Bill,” Dipper caught the man’s attention and shoved aside his hesitation, “I suppose that if we’re going to live in the same house for awhile, I should probably let you know… I, jeez, I am, well, I am,” Dipper took a moment to breathe in deep, “I’m, uh, gay.” He awkwardly chuckled for a moment, cursing at himself under his breath.

“Oh. That’s fine with me, as long as you aren’t plotting to kill me, I suppose,” Bill assured the younger, laughing. “It’s totally okay to be gay.” Behind his display of confidence, though, Bill was rather flustered.

Dipper laughed off his insecurity for the most part. “Thanks for being accepting, Bill. You know, I just had to get that off my chest.” Bill set a glass bowl of cornflakes and a mug of well-brewed coffee in front of the nervous teen and sat at the table across from Dipper, grinning at the brunette. For some reason though, the normally very calm and straightforward man was acting in an awkward and silent way. 

It was not a problem for him that Dipper was gay, rather a temptation. Bill had been what people referred to as ‘in the closet’ ever since he was fifteen. In fact, one of the first things he remembered was realizing his sexuality in a rather shocking flood of thoughts. He muttered just loud enough to be heard, “I’m… The same way.” A deep blush broke out on his smooth tan skin, as did also on the pale face of the younger teen.

“Did you say… No, I shouldn’t pressure you, but, um, this should be... 

“Interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooray, now they're clearly gay (just like me)! Enjoy, kiddos! I swear to you the smut will come eventually. Don't fret.


End file.
